Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Porn! Or My Eyes were burnt out of my head!


Another month and I can't believe we are so close to Christmas! This is another round of the Insecure Writer's Support Group headed by Alex J Cavanaugh. I hope my little write up measure up:)

What can I say? My husband and I were on the couch enjoying a TV Show (Ice Road Truckers). We were very comfortable. My hubby was relaying to me how he had to travel similar roads when he worked on the oil fields out in Alberta many moons ago. My hubby and I held hands as we often do which is nice (better than eating chips or other crap). All was quiet except for the TV.

The show ended and it was time for me to go to bed. I smiled to my hubby and gave him a nice gentle kiss. I got up from the sofa to be met with the most horrifying shock of my life! Oral sex was happening in our very own livingroom. I am so sorry to have to share this with you but I must divulge a secret affair that has been going on.

There, on his back, all 4 legs spread out and in perfect smiling bliss was Wallace, our sex crazed hound of hell getting licked deep into his a-hole (sorry) by our  not so innocent cat, Jade. She should know better! I mean...really??!! WT&*^% are you two doing!? I was in shock and tried to mouth some words of disapproval but just the word No, No, No kept being uttered by me. Jade looked up at me wondering what was wrong, Wallace was still too blissfully stupid to even move.

Jade jumped up to my husband to want to head butt him like she usually does. I pointed my accusing finger at the tramp and told my hubby to not let her be near him. Hubby wondered why her face smelled of , well, poo. I told him "Because Jade had her nose so up Wallace's you know what and both were enjoying it!" Needless to say Jade got her face cleaned well. Wallace looked tired and probably could have used a cigarette and I want to burn out my eyes. My hubby just laughed and said "well, you know men". Ughhhhhhh

You do all you can for your little ones and then they have to do something that just leaves you speechless. I shall never look at them the same way. I feel I should buy Jade some high heels and fish net stockings and Wallace, he already got enough treats and he was Jade's trick.  What more is there to say. Below are the next porn stars Wally Wangerless and deep tongue Jade.


                        
                                                               Wallace (Aka Wally Wangerless)


                                                              Jade (aka deep tongue Jade)




                                                           Smut and Slut ( cue the porn music)

I still love them but I think they may have driven me to get therapy.

59 comments:

  1. OMG! I too, think I'd still be in shock! I mean animals are animals, right? But still...! Ha ha ha!! Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahahaha! Can I just write "haha" fifty million times? This was the funniest post! Disgusting, but funny! *still laughing*

    And trust me, Birgit, your blog could NEVER be boring! Just wanted you to know that after the comment you left on my blog. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh thank you! and they were disgusting

      Delete
  3. lmao ewwww and ewww again. But I guess you can't but a price on joy lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes well that joy i can be without-ick-they are too much into Kink

      Delete
  4. My dogs have done some questionable things but never something like that! The worst they've done (aside from the dominance hump) was lick each others ears. Pretty tame, huh? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Jade licks his ears big time! She needs to stick to the ears

      Delete
  5. LOL!!!!!!!! OH my god, totally horrifying and totally hilarious. I used to have a cat who ended up moving in with a dog, and he did the same thing to that blissful dog. I truly think cats are just thinking, "Man, dogs are so dirty! Why don't they clean themselves? If you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself." And so they do. Unfortunately ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You cat did the same thing??! Maybe you are right which means they have serious OCD issues

      Delete
  6. This is what happens when dogs and cats co-habitate. Ha,ha,ha! I think I would pay money to see that cat in fishnet stockings and stilettos.As for Wallace - Men, what are you gonna do with 'em?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Men! If Wallace throws a jello packet in front of Jade and our other cat Lucy, I know he is a man all the way through

      Delete
  7. I just choked on my tea - and I'm at my mother's so couldn't really explain! Thanks Birgit.....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wowsers! A wonderfully unexpected "tail" for the day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh geesh! All I can say is this would never happen at our house, LOL, since Koda is not cat friendly. You might have to get your two separate rooms down the line!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I was in shock to see this and never expected it

      Delete
  10. That is the most disgusting thing I've ever read on anyone's blog. I guess (or know), I'm a prude, but I have read a lot of gross things in blogland. Your pets are sick and twisted. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh sorry..I hope I didn't offend anyone...not my intention but just wanted to explain, well, the evil deed of my 2 fur balls

      Delete
  11. I guess your pets have become too close!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh wow. More entertaining than the TV?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ughh-Not something I wanted to see and i couldn't change the channel

      Delete
  13. This post was a bit of a first for me. I usually stick to reading blogs from bead addicted jewelry makers. Wow! You REALLY made me laugh. For once I feel speechless!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaaaa-My fur babies were bad kids for sure. I have not seen your bead creations in a while and love to see some

      Delete
  14. So very funny. I can't be around cats since I am severely allergic (my throat closes and I can't breath). I never in a million years would have expected this to happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cats are a big no no for you and my hubby and I have 4! I never expected this ever to happen either-ever!

      Delete
  15. Well...uh...er...um...eww! But at least they get along and don't fight? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaaaaaa-nope they get along...a little too well

      Delete
  16. ACK! Some things you just can't unsee. Sorry you had to witness that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was insane! I never thought a dog and cat would do....that!

      Delete
  17. Wow. I wasn't expecting that story.

    Moral of the story: Rethink allowing a dog or cat to lick you; you don't know where that tongue has been!

    ReplyDelete
  18. PMSL!!! I just sprayed coffee all over my keyboard! Started reading your post yesterday. But after the 1st few lines decided a story like this is best savoured on Friday ... casual Friday. Glad I did and it saved me a trip to the dry-cleaners! Oh Wally! I used to think dogs licked their own bollocks (excuse my French) ... but here's a guy who managed to subcontract an even more dastardly deed to a cat! Kudos to him! Fun was had by both, I'd say. And you, my friend, grab an extra large (medicinal!) shot of something strong and nurse your trauma the old fashioned way. :)
    hugs, Asha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He does clean himself and so does Jade but OMG! I never...never, ever thought I would lay my eyes on this but I did. i don;t think enough drink will stop that memory

      Delete
  19. LOL an illicit love affair between forbidden lovers. But I don't think I'd ever be able to get that image out of my head!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes young love.....ugh At least you didn't see it first hand

      Delete
  20. I'm trying to shake this post out of my head...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes...well....I saw it for real-ick:)

      Delete
  21. Replies
    1. Thanks even though my eyes still hurt:)

      Delete
  22. So much for innocent eyes, but they do look sweet together. What would we ever do without pets? They add so much to our lives....even though...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are sweet together except for that one icky time but I could not live without them:)

      Delete
  23. Pets- they add a lot to our lives (some of which we can do without). I am sure this is the last thing you wanted to see before bed (or at all). :)
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh it was not easy to see that's for sure

      Delete
  24. I'm alternating between Eeeeeeeeeeeeew and hahahahahha over here. So much for thinking cats and dogs stayed with their own kind. Sex knows no species, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well these 2 have no clue and I am still in the ewwwwwww stage

      Delete
  25. Foretold in Ghostbusters - the end of the world! "Dogs and cats, sleeping together!"

    Bill Murray is a prophet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG That's right! If I see a green ugly goblin (aside from our PM Harper) I will know who to call

      Delete
  26. That's either the funniest thing I've heard in a while or the most horrifying. I can't decide which.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Just had to scroll down to see what might have offended others. I don't know quite how to respond. It was a weird story to me, but then again I don't know much about animal behavior.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh animals can be close but this was insane! It was weird seeing it:)

      Delete
  28. Sorry, Birgit, this had me laughing so much - simply because I could visualize the scene as I read what you wrote. I love how you added the big dose of humor. I've never seen a cat...um....do a dog...but what do I know! Look at them posing!

    What really made me burst out laughing was your "he could have used a cigarette" :D i am now imagining Jade in fishnet gear.

    You're an amazing writer!

    ReplyDelete