Yes the first thing I thought about was...who's humping who? Red Carpet "fun" at last night's Oscars. In case anyone cares this is Jennifer Yawn Aniston and Emma Stone. Now it started pouring rain at L.A. yesterday and it would have been such fun to see all that hair, make-up and gowns/suits go down the drain with the water but they were all under tarps baking.
Honestly, the media have to stop saying "Who are you wearing?" because if I was actually there (like that'll ever happen) and Billy Barty was still alive, I would ask him to jump on my back and say I am wearing him. I might have to just hire the little guy from "Game of Thrones" unless he beats me up.
The awards started with a pretty good song number with Neil Patrick Harris, Anna Kendrick and Jack Black and then Neil started to talk and try to do comedy. He sucked. He went on about his tally list in a briefcase and talked about it all night long only to deliver one giant egg. My favourite part of this is when he tried to get Robert Duvall into this mess and Mr. Duvall just looked at him wondering what the hell he was asking and that no one cares. Did I mention he sucked? Please bring back Ricky Gervais-he has no filter and gives stabs to the audience which they need.
As per normal, it dragged on long but that is to be expected. I always loved the "In memoriam" which was done quite tastefully. I was expecting to see Joan Rivers and Elaine Stritch but they were not part of this which I think is a bit sad. Each best song nominee got its due and I am very grateful that "Grateful" didn't win. Everyone talks about the song from Selma and it is unique and well done but I don't like rap. I would have preferred "I'm Not Gonna Miss You" which came from the documentary about Glen Campbell who is suffering from Alzheimer's. I am not a country music fan by any means but I found this original and poignant but this may strike home for me because of my mom. I also felt I was being manipulated by the song from Selma. If I don't care for it or if I criticize it then I am a racist. I don't like feeling that at all.
I love the Sound of Music so when they introduced Lady Ga-Ga to sing the highlights from that film I was cringing......she nailed it! She surprised me 10 fold with her strong voice and I was glad they highlighted this film even though it made the Oscars longer. Some of her diva faces made me laugh so you will just have to google it and see for yourself.
John Ravolta was in top creepy form touching Scarlett Johansson on the red carpet (google it) to groping Idina Menzel's face when they were ready to present one of the awards. Is it just me or does his hair come from Eddie Munster or one of the characters from the Lego movie? I could have done without seeing Neil Patrick Harris in his undies. I get the whole Birdman thing but you're pasty and leave not much to the imagination. Oh and speaking of Birdman-Michael Keaton is getting ready for his next role...as a cow! He kept chewing gum all night I just was waiting to see a salt lick being placed beside him with all his Kenatching (My mom used to tell us to keep our mouths closed and to stop Kenatching).
So here is my own list for the 2015 Oscars...
There is a slit but it is not up to cl$t so this makes it classy and a bit sassy:) I am one for necklaces so I would have loved a small diamond necklace just around the bottom of her neck. I know...like you care:) I also loved J.K. Simmons even with his hat, American Ferrera and Jessica Chastain even with the drape in front.
How much she giveth:) I think it was swell of her to get down on her hands and needs and clean the floors and then do all the dishes for the food that comes after the awards. She needs her hands to be so soft..she should get Palmolive. The hair she took from some Jane Austin novel or Melanie Wilkes and that dress....is it just me or did she take it out of a paper doll book? There were many more from Gwyneth Paltrow's shoulder bloom of pink hell to Nicole Kidman giving her best impression of the undead. Jared Leto in a pale blue concoction of 70's ick, to David Olijeco (how does one spell that name) red pimp outfit (Yes I went there) that only needed a big ass hat with a feather, together they were a gay wedding cake of "manly" bliss. There were so many versions of beige or pale blah from Jennifer Aniston to Viola Davis to Oprah...please pick a colour! Oh and J.lo's dress was so large I thought someone would pick her up and grab some toilet paper from underneath. She had the cut down to there in front as well and her ta-ta's looked squashed. Moving on....
Which Film Happy that it won- Easy..Birdman...why? Because it wasn't Boyhood! Yes I danced when that over-hyped film didn't win. Birdman may not be my favourite film but I am still happy it won over Boyhood. I am also happy that The Grand Budapest Hotel won 5 awards. This is one film I love.
What film/person was Ick to win- Eddie Redmayne won. He did a good job in the film but he is no Daniel Day-Lewis (My Left Foot) and he kept reminding me of a Young Austin Powers in the film (Moley, Moley, Moley..). I don't believe his humbleness either-it strikes as fake to me.
Best Acceptance Speech- J.K. Simmons who spoke about calling your parents! No texting or e-mailing but calling. Graham Moore, who won for best adapted screenplay, for "The Imitation Game" who spoke about how he tried to commit suicide when he was a teen because he thought he was too weird and didn't fit in. He proceeded to tell the kids who might be watching to embrace who they are and they will go far.
Worst Acceptance Speech- The guys who won for sound mixing and the guys who won for sound editing. Zzzzzzzzz
What Drug were they on- Laura Poitras who co-won for Best Documentary for Citizenfour. I just kept staring at her wild, nutty eyes. They kept popping out so large when she was giving her acceptance speech I thought they would fly right out of her head. Patricia Arquette's speech seemed to wander but she hit a high note at the end with equal pay for women. Her hair looked like just had bathroom sex with Jared Leto. Meryl Streep loved her speech because we all know Meryl doesn't get paid well. Robert Duvall looked like he needed a nap.
Which actor do you want to see get slapped?- Oh there are line ups for so many. Michael Keaton to dislodge the gum out of his mouth. Jennifer Aniston just because. Eddie Redmayne who says the right things but looks so smarmy that I don't want to slap him as much as I want to punch him. John Ravolta for touching...ick.
Most Gaudy-aside from John Legend's wife who had slits from down to there to up to there...how does she sit or bend down? Most men would drop something just to witness this. J-Lo's taped boobs. The song number "Everything is awesome" from The Lego movie. It was tacky, it was sad, it was everything 70's bad and I enjoyed the horror show of this number.
So there is my lengthy post that I hope some of you read all the way through cos it is lengthy:)
haha danced when Boyhood didn't win? Damn, you really wanted it to lose. Read that Harris sucked with the comedy bits. Should have stuck to those broadway awards I think.ReplyDelete
Oh yes I danced-I think this film is way over-hyped. Harris should just sing and dance...and that's itDelete
Love this! The bathroom sex joke is great. Duvall was there? Arquette needed to stop reading her speeches, but then again...she'll never have to again. I like Simmons, but he gave the same speech at every awards show, so he was a snoozer for me.ReplyDelete
True she reads from her actual written acceptance speech.....snore. I didn't realize that about Simmons so it was a nice surprise for meDelete
I read all the way through! I didn't watch the Oscars --haven't for years--and it was fun to get your take on all of this.ReplyDelete
Glad you read all the way through:) This way one can look up something if one cares and not see the whole thing:)Delete
This all happened while I was tucked up in bed but I heard a bit of Lady Gaga singing Sound of Music this morning and was amazed at how well she did it.ReplyDelete
If you haven't already, you should look it up on Youtube. I like her but didn't realize how good she really isDelete
I think I enjoy your recap more than I would have enjoyed the Oscars. And hey, you can't slap Michael Keaton - he's Batman! You can definitely slap Travolta, though. He just needs to go away already.ReplyDelete
I respect Keaton as he is also Birdman and deserved the Oscar but just slap him in the back of the head to get that dam gum out of his mouth. Travolta just needs repeated slappingsDelete
Glad I missed John Travolta. I didn't stay up to watch but did catch a couple awards, like best effects.ReplyDelete
You're wearing Billy Barty - funny!
I voted for Guardians Of The Galaxy myself but I didn't see Interstellar. Poor Billy Barty..I loved that guyDelete
It was a mediocre production, at best. My favorites were J.K.Simmons and the Idrina Menzel intro for John Travolta. He definitely creeped me out but I have to say the writers were smart to capitalize on his past faux pas, and Idrina was just the one to do it.ReplyDelete
Oh poor Idrina as I spelt her name wrong:) Oh well at least that is not as bad as Travolta touching her face. It was in good fun though as you saidDelete
I didn't get to watch, but your hilarious recap makes me not mind! :) Thanks! I definitely like that red dress. I did look through all of the fashion from the event... that's my favorite part!ReplyDelete
Love the fashions too and some were so dreary and some just ugly but still wish to see crazyDelete
John Travolta should have just retired at the end of the 90s...now he'll go down in history as a whacko!ReplyDelete
Well he adores Scientology crap which is a shame. He is a bit nuttyDelete
Okay, at this point I'm going to have to introduce the theory that Scientology is turning these people into nutbags. Seriously. Something in that "religion" is making these people lose their minds.Delete
Slit/cl$t made me laugh out loud. Good post. We don't agree on everything, but that's good. It would be boring if we had the same opinions about everything. I would totally have bathroom sex with Jared Leto and not care about my hair. JAAAAAARREEEDDD. Come and get me, baby. I think Jennifer Aniston is trying to pick up Emma Stone because Jennifer has never won an Oscar and she wants to take something home with her.ReplyDelete
I think you are right about Jennifer but emma is in the wrong colour:)Delete
Yeah, I noticed how Keaton was chewing gum every time they cut to him. And I don't get Lopez's dress. Why? And Lady Gaga was good. I wasn't expecting her to be bad, and I loved that Julie Andrews was there, too.ReplyDelete
Loved Julie Andrews being there. Sick of the cut down to there dresses and found out Robert Duvall's wife wore the same gown as J.Lo or just aboutDelete
LOL, I didn't watch the Oscars but I loved your review of them. It would have been a hoot to watch it with you in person, I'm sure I would have been in stitches. A friend on FB mentioned how freaky John Travolta was. All in all, I'm thinking you somewhat enjoyed the show?ReplyDelete
Oh Yes I enjoyed the show because it is fun to cut it up:) There is always good the bad and the ugly but I think John Travolta hits all of thoseDelete
Hahahahah. Looks like I'm going to need to google a bunch. I saw parts of the last hour. I did see some of Lady Gaga and was just floored with her voice. I thought the Mama had found Sound of Music on her TV and when the Husband turned the channel to the Oscars, wowza! I loved the hug Julie Andrews gave her.ReplyDelete
Birgit, thanks again for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! http://www.su-sieeemac.com/2015/02/being-inspired.htmlDelete
You deserve the awards! I think Ga Ga surprised everyoneDelete
Thank you for this. I stopped watching the Oscars years ago. Grew up with Bob Hope and it was great with Billy Crystal but has slowly devolved into the mess you blogged about. So, a BIG 'thank you'.ReplyDelete
Bob Hope is great so was Johnny Carson and Billy Crystal. Hard to ever step into their shoesDelete
The Oscar show didn't seem too bad this year but I'll have to admit that I was watching or listening too closely either. The TV was on but I was on the computer at the same time.ReplyDelete
I will admit that I fell for J-Lo's made-you-look moment.
I hated the "Glory" song from Selma. I agree that the entire production was very contrived. That it won reminded me of the year that "Pimp" song won--who will ever sing those songs again like artists have covered great classic Best Song winners from the past. Although I did go to YouTube to hear the original film version of "Glory" and I did like a bit better--just a bit. I'm not a fan of rap either.
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Tossing It Out
Thank-You! If I have to hear another blubbering moment about that song I was going to hurl. If you wouldn't look at J-Lo I would be surprised as she is quite the lookerDelete
I read your entire blog bit and enjoyed it, even though I didn't (and never do) watch The Academy Awards show. I stopped watching after 'Terms Of Endearment' (that horribly overrated movie) won the Oscar for Best Picture.ReplyDelete
My buddy Marty (RIP) and I were working in Hollywood once upon a time and trying to fashion acting careers for ourselves. Eventually Marty was killed by a car thief and I just got sick of acting and quit (even though Marty and I had both gotten some very small bit parts in TV productions and movies).
I'll never forget the time Marty said to me: "The Academy Awards are nothing more than a bunch of a**holes patting each other on the back". Boy, was he ever right about THAT! Pretty wise for a guy who was about 21 years old at the time he said it.
Entertaining blog bit, BIRGIT. Thanks!
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They always are rewarding themselves so I agree with your late friend. I did finally see Terms of Endearment a few years back...just don't get it so I agree with you on that one:)Delete
I'm probably the only person in the world that doesn't watch the Oscars. That red dress is stunning.ReplyDelete
You are not as I think I am in the minority. Love that red dress and feel sad that only my thigh would fit into itDelete
You're not alone, Sandra. I didn't watch either, and I, too, love the red dress. And Birgit, this post gave me many laughs. Thanks.ReplyDelete
Glad you enjoyed the postDelete
Big confession here: I adore the Lego song. It just makes me smile when I hear it (and I have it on my Spotify playlist). I'm not a big fan of award shows except maybe Spike's. At least the "people" have the say and it's not just some over done love fest of each other.ReplyDelete
I didn't mind the lego song in the film but this event was just a hark back to all the 70's schtick:) I am glad this made it as I felt it was a tacky number and the Oscars always needs thatDelete
The cynic in me wonders if an Oscar is simply awarded to whomever is the most skillful self-promoter. See: Redmayne.ReplyDelete
Yup! It is that way and one has to promote while still looking as if you are humble-ickDelete
This reminds me of Zoe Saldana when she snagged a heel on her dress during the UK premiere of Star Trek Into Darkness. The drama which unfolded created quite a stir.ReplyDelete
Amazing what creates such huge newsDelete
I didn't watch the whole thing- but I did see Lady Gaga sing- and I love The Sound of Music, so I was happy she did such a fabulous job. I also loved when JK Simmons told everyone to call their parents. Great advice! I hadn't seen many of the movies, but I still enjoy seeing parts of the fancy cloths and speeches.ReplyDelete
What an awesome post! Good work- and I read it all the way through.
Glad you read it:) Some of the films will never get to my area so I have not seen most of these but I always watch and I loved J.K. Simmons speechDelete
This post was way more fun than the actual telecast LOL. The whole John Travolta thing was so bizarre!ReplyDelete
Thanks:) John John needs to get over-hauled. I wonder what his wife thinksDelete
LOL!!! This is hilarious!! I'm so with you on John Travolta and the crazy-eyed lady from Citizenfour. I usually love Neil, but you're right, this was NOT his thing.ReplyDelete
Oh you saw crazy eye lady! Good cos she was nuts. The lady who won for best documentary short had the weirdest dress with those poodle puffs-no one wants to talk about that horrible dress since she lost her kid to suicide but it was horrible-looks like she just came from Westminster Kennel clubDelete
I'm still upset that I didn't win Best Actor. I got robbed.ReplyDelete
You did-you must go and protestDelete
Phew! I came this close to staying up to watch... Glad I didn't! Sounds like it was a freak show from start to finish. I had a good laugh at your write-up, then I chuckled, snorted and sniggered... I just don't get celebrity... so much money, yet so little sense!ReplyDelete
Thank YOU for making me smile today :D
Glad you smiled and freak shows are always the best:) Just google the highlights:)Delete
LOVED your recap of the Oscars! I also was less than thrilled with host Doogie, but I still think Jimmy Fallon would be the next best thing since Billy Crystal. You had me laughing from beginning to end, but my favorite lines were about John Travolta looking like Butch Patrick (Eddie Munster), and Patricia Arquette looking as though she just had "bathroom sex" with Jared Leto! Great points about not paying tribute to Joan Rivers and Elaine Stritch. I also think it's more meaningful when they show movie clips of the actors, instead of those painfully boring still shots. BRAVO Birgit!ReplyDelete
You are right about the actual clips. I wasn't into the court room artist style. Jimmy Fallon would be good and maybe even the other Jimmy. I think Doogie knew he was toast by the end of itDelete