Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Oh My God! I made a Card!

I can not believe I made a Card!! This is for

I tell has been a whirlwind with my mother.....between her coming down every 5 minutes asking if she got her tylenol or needs her lighter or needs her smokes(she has been lighting the filtered ends...hopefully she does not burn down my house) and crying she that she is unwell and wants to go to the hospital but then gets well suddenly if she gets angry with you or show her a nice eclair and she is just happy as a has been a whirlwind.Thank God for wine! We cleaned her workroom last Saturday...AKA the Brown Bar. It took the full 12 hours to clean. There is a reason I dislike amber...reminds me of smoke on the walls and the yellow that weeps down when you put fantastic to it....ick! To say the ceiling and walls were yellow is an understatement. We took out all her crafts and she does not recall them at all and was happy with the clean up(big sigh of relief). the next day Michael and I went through all her stuff-she has some amazing stuff-like svorski crystals in singles and in chains, glitter and all sorts of ribbon and things I can use for my cards. She also saved so many pinecones and other cones we were having nightmares about them...she even saved pistacchio shells. The scary thing? I can understand her thought pattern:) Make a little sail and you can have a sailboat or turn it and paint it and it could pass for a rock or you can make a turtle...oh well. The card! I missed for their "Sparkle and Shine" challenge but I am still good for The Stampman Challenge which is a recipe like a bingo challenge. I chose "Blue", "Ribbon", and "Sparkle and bling". I used blue glossy paper and cut out the centre. I used a sticker in silver for the frame and it turned out a little wonky and I thought it was perfect for my Picasso stamp. I used light blue and green glitter for the flowers and for the inner background this brown sparkle that actually has some dimension to it. It is from my mom's was a bitch to put on, pure and simple. I embossed the Picasso stamp in Opal and metallic blue and adhered it to the inside part and so it is like a window card...except no glass:)I finished it off with ribbon on each side and inside, I coloured the stickers blue for the border. Have a great days everyone!! It is sunny and so nice to have it warm!!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Monday Minute :) Unsure if the link with Mr. Yoda will work..I have a feeling...NOT! Anyhoo here is my little spiel for the 5.

1. Think back as far as you can, what's the first tape, record, etc. you remember listening to.

I recall the classical music my mom played...Eine Kleine NachtMusik by Mozart, Verdi's Aida, and this very pretty pience that sounds classical but came out in the 1960's. I also had a favourte record called the Grimm Fairy Tales and it was about Hanzel and Gretel and Something about pussy cats(not the x-rated kind). There was also this nun that came out with a smash hit...can't recall the name of the tune. Actually when I listen to this music it brings back very fond memories. I know that poor nun committed Hari Kari....poor thing. Oh what a lovely thought.

2. What's the first concert you've ever been to, the year and who performed?

Well I think I was about 10 and I went to see "Die Fledermouss" by Mozart. It was around 1974 in Ann Arbor, Michigan...and I loved it! It was so funny to with the prison guard trying to locate his booze. Do I sound like a insufferable bore yet?? I know I wanted to see ABBA with their Voulez Vous tour but my mom wouldn't let me go. She said there would be drugs there...YUP...ABBA. Even back then when I was 13 or 14 (1976 or 1977 for that tour) I knew there wouldn't be major drugs at an ABBA concert. God! It's ABBA! I still love them and have all their records including one they sang in Spanish! I think I am the only one who knows the "King Kong" song. It is , um, not their best. The first true rock concert I went to was to see the Eurythemics in 1986. That was fun and she has an amazing voice. After that I saw U2 in 1989 or was that 1988??? I don't recall the 1980's too much...They were very fun years. Now as for my brother, he saw many rock concerts and he went to see the Who 2 weeks after that horrible concert where people were killed. Oops wait..another sad thing I am recalling..let's move on shall we...

3. Ever bleed from your ass?

What a probing question:) Yup and they were some nasty hemmoroids let me tell ya. I couldn't sit for a week and I even had to call in sick. My old boss asked me what was wrong I just was crying and told him I couldn't sit down...he quickly told me not to say any more. I could gross him out so easily. It was not fun having to go to the bathroom and I think some evil warlord must have conjured up these things. The old saying.."what crawled up your ass and died" seemed to fit but then it fits any time my dogs decide to let out a nasty silent fart that actually drove one of my friends right out of my house.

4. If you went to your senior prom and had a date, do you still speak to said person?

In high school I was lucky to sit next to a guy never mind him asking me out. I was never asked out but I did go to my prom and, in true Birgie fashion, I went with a future arsonist and nun! I am not kidding. We were all single gals. The one girl was sweet and pretty and the other always smelled of the pig farm she grew up on and would slap your back so hard when she said hi it would take the wind out of you. So I decided to go with them...why not. I wore a pantsuit/jumpsuit (aren't they now back in style) and I danced up a storm. We went back to farmer gals' place and stayed overnight. Years later I found out that the pretty gal became a nun and is a missionary somewhere where the catholics feel they need to convert the peaceful heathens and the other gal, well, burnt down her family's home and went to jail. Ahh what sweet memories...oh yeah we lost touch:)

5. Name the one television show that is no longer on the air that could have gone on forever.

The Ed Sullivan Show! I vaguely recall watching it whe it was on the air but it was on for 20 yrs or so. He had everyone on the show from major comedians like Bob Hope, Flip Wilson, Richard Pryer(I am spelling his name wrong, shoot me later) to classical music greats to The Rolling Stones, The Beatles (made their debut on this show) and The Doors. He had on circus acts and everything else. This could go over today I think. I also think Star Trek would be a great show..oh wait..It basically did go on forever..never mind.

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Monday Minute

I am trying to place the little Yoda Image here by Copying and pasting but it's not working for me-Whaaaah): This is done by The theme is from music lyrics, so here it goes...

1. Do you hear what I hear?

What?....Pardon??? I don't understand what you are saying??? Whaaatt?

2. How will I know if he really loves me?

When he starts dressing in his old worn out t-shirt and shorts, pants that should be burned years ago. He stops shaving for 3 or so days and the ultimate "I Love you"...when he is sitting on the couch beside you and he leans over to fart and has the look of victory as if he just conquered Mount Everest.

3. Have you ever really love a woman?

My mom and my best friends...does my dear friend who is gay count? And please don't even go there about loving a woman in a porn, nude wrestling in pudding kind of way even though most men probably fantasize about this. What is it about you guys and women with women??? Ick

4. Is this the real Life?

As real as we make it unless we believe in Descartes, Nietzsche and all the other philosophers who made their lives wondering about existence and to simply Be. Also if you place tin foil on your head, travel to Roswell in a 1968 van wearing a dirty t-shirt and bright striped pants thinking that aliens will take you to their mother ship and hearing those 5 simple notes from that Spielburg flick and praying to David Duchovney (X-Files) as the next Uber God then Yes i guess it is as real as one makes it.

5. Is this just fantasy?

On which plane of existence?? Wait I hear the mother ship approaching....can't write anymore I have to put my tinfoil hat on. See ya in 12 million parsecs

Monday, May 9, 2011

Monday Minute

I was informed by the ever wonderful and fun Marlene that the Monday Minute is back...Yippeee! You can find it at At least I am doing this...soon cards(I am dreaming some up). OK so here it goes...

1. Since so many of you were so willing to wrestle naked with another member of the same sex for a million dollars, let's say we double it to 2 million and put it on PPV for all to see. Still willing?

I did not get to last week's questions but I will say yes to wrestling naked (I must be having a few drinks in me to get it started). For 2 free dollars...what the hell! I know though that would be the end of PPV since most would be tuning out from the horrendous vision they saw and they would be looking for pokers to flick out their eyeballs but I would get 2 million bucks:) I wonder how many men would do this? I bet ya more women would...we just have more guts!

2. You just found $100 bill on the ground while walking around your neighbourhood. What's your first thought to do with the money?

I should say I would give it to a poor person or knock on doors and ask if they lost anything but NOPE! My first thought would be Yippee! I would be swinging my hips(maybe to get the chocolate pudding off from my nude wrestling as I have low morals it seems) and singing I'm in the money! I would look around and then scamper off believing I had a great day. I should hang my head low...but I am not-I dream of finding this. All I have ever found aside from pennies is a quarter and I felt great finding that. Now if I should ever finding a black box with a singing frog who carries a cane and top hat, I think I would just go to the nearest kitchen and have some frog legs...he is an evil little frog isn't he (All you Warner brothers' cartoon fans out there)

3. Mother's Day is coming up. Name one thing you learned from your mother that you'd like to share.

My mom has/had immense compassion and would always be there for you even at 3 in the morning if you needed her. She rarely questioned, always kept secrets and forgiveness is/was her middle name. She is fading before my eyes right now and, at times, my patience has run thin but I still see her compassion come out and her forgiveness despite the horrible dementia. I just hope I can give to her what she has always given to me. She is beautiful

4. We all know that Knickelback, Kiss, Creed, Rush, Foo Fighters and Axl Rose suck Ass, name another band that should be added to this famed list.

I like Knickelback! I don't even mind Kiss although I would never even think of kissing those guys...yuck, yuck! I always hated Rush and find that guy's voice like fingernails on chalkboard. I have to pick another? It's Monday morning and I am lucky to figure out which foot goes in front of the other. Those boy bands suck big time...NSync and ughh I can't remember the other one-that's how memorable they are to me. Maybe I have a great way to get rid of the bad out of my head? Oh let's add Twisted Sister to this shall we.

5. Have you ever had a zit on your ass?

I can not believe this question, well I never...oh who am I kidding since I would wrestle naked in chocolate pudding for 2M tax free for PPV. Yes I have! Sometimes hard to sit on that too. I was just thankful it was never on my face!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Have to Beef!/Whine and Blah Blah!

Ok card....wahhhhhhhhhhh! I really miss my card making. I hope soon i can get back into it. In a nutshell the last 2 weeks of March and April have been sheer hell. My mother got the shingles. From what I have heard (and thankfully, so far, never had) it is very painful. Now have a mother who always need to be in control, have dementia, be in extreme pain and her daughter have to take over her tylenol...well can we say it has been a freak out and I don't mean the dancing kind. She is now down to 86 lbs(not good), she has been ornery, telling me and me and my spouse ( is that correct grammar??) we are abusive and liars and want to control her and have power over her(yes that is our main goal...WTF?). My poor mom was popping way too many tylenols because she could no longer remember. Now with the shingles-she got the anti viral meds, she has been on some heavy major drugs and youy would think that would keep an elephant down...nope not my little 83 yr old German mom. She was coming down the stairs on the hour in the middle of the night demanding her tylenol and crying and just being an ornery cuss. We made 2 trips to the emergency in 1 week and in both cases she was sent home. We were really hoping she would be admitted to get some help and for us to get some relief. As a result I got really ill and missed most of the week at work and could not look after my mommy. My Michael came through for me and has been a Godsend. She is on a sleeping pill now and long lastsing pain meds and even the tylenol 3 when needed. We also give her an anxiety pill which seems to calm her down and now we can sleep at night. The nuses have come by and the geriatric social worker came by for an assessment. Of course she was on her best behaviour and even passed the memory test....I could have killed her! It reminded me of when you hear a knock in your car engine and you know something really wrong is with your car but when you bring it to the mechanic there is no knock and he says it is fine...grrrr! The good news is he did see there were issues and so a team will be coming May 24th to do an assessment and hopefully she will get on the right meds to calm her down. The shingles is healing but the pain is still there but I think it is improving. I can't tell right now how much is pain, control and addiction. On another uplifting note..we had a mjor wind storm rip through our area last Thursday. Our power was out for 34 hours. It ripped off alot of our shingles and blasted out a window. Actaully the good news is we get a new roof. I believe we fared better than many people who had trees come down right through their house. One man died when he got hit by his garage door that came off its hinges. It was awful and i heard there are still some people without power now. On saturday we had a major drunk a^*%$ hit michael's parked car! I witnessed it and ran after the car (he was driving very slowly just so you know I am not some Angelina Jolie character...I can dream on). I was banging on his window to stop and he did! I told him to put his F*&%^$ winow down and he did! By that point my Michael and 2 neighbours came out and tried to get him out of the car but they said he was literally greasy (Ick). They tried to get his keys and could not. He did get away but not before someone got his lisence plate # and I called 911. The police got him up the street. he resisted arrest and they had to bash in his window. Apparantly he hit another person's car and he has had prior and his license was taken away. I hope May is better! I will end on a positive note...My mom is slowly getting better with the shingles, the geriatric Assessment Team is finally coming and hopefully with proper meds. We will get a new roof and window and we stoppped someone from probably killing someone due to his drunkeness. I hope to have cards up here soon. It is always better to walk with an agnel through hell than with the devil through paradise:)